


FREE DEADPOOL

by orphan_account



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-26
Updated: 2013-01-26
Packaged: 2017-12-04 18:51:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/713887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Wade gets arrested.</p>
            </blockquote>





	FREE DEADPOOL

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote a short crappy something inspired by this outrageous post about Deadpool cosplayer getting arrested. Well. Here goes nothing.

Wade was thumping his head against the cell bars slowly and methodically. He was so bored it wasn’t even funny.

_What are we doing here again?_

**Uh, apparently we’re trying to bash our skull in. But I think we forgot it requires a bit more force.**

“Shut up, both of you. We got arrested.”

**Oooh… Well shit. Too bad we don’t have any friends to bail us out…**

_Why were we arrested? We weren’t even doing anything! Did we take off our mask when we were shopping?_

“Shut up!”

“Oi! You shut up, you freak!” yelled the guard.

_Asshole._

**Asshole.**

“Asshole! I thought Canadians were nice!”

_We’re Canadian, and we’re not nice._

**We kill people. And not even as a community service, we do it for money.**

“Right! Shit, I’m on a job! I have to go! Mr. Jailer, when can I go? I have people to kill!”

“What did you say?” the guard appeared before Wade and gave him a suspicious look. “Did you just confessed to planning to kill someone? That what the guns were for?”

“Well yes, what did you think I needed them for? Gardening?

_Wow, what an idiot!_

**Wait, were is he going? Is he gonna rat us out to his boss?**

“Hey, were are you going?! I really have to go! Hey!”

Wade kicked the bars in frustration and sighed. All this money was going to someone else. And for fucking what? Grocery shopping? A man’s gotta eat! You can’t put him in jail for that!

**I think we should get out of here before they decide to give us a nice roommate who’ll want to tap that sweet ass.**

_And how do you propose we do that? Walk through the wall?_

“I wish Spidey would come to my rescue…”

**He won’t. He only did that last time because he liked our dress. Secretly. Very secretly.**

_That was a fabulous dress…_

Wade grunted and flopped down on the bunk. Things weren’t looking good. He heard the guards whispering excitedly, and he couldn’t understand what about, but he could guess it wasn’t about the tonight’s game.

“Psst! Psst! Mr. Wilson! Mr. Wilson!”

“Bob? Bob! You’re here! I knew you’d come!”

_No we didn’t._

**We completely forgot he existed.**

“Please, Mr. Wilson, be quiet! You have to be quiet if we want to get out of here, okay?”

Wade nodded enthusiastically, grinning under his mask.

_Yeah, sure, we can do that. We can be stealthy. We’re a mercenary!_

**Wow, did Bob gain weight?**

“Oh shut up, I don’t care how fat he is as long as he gets us out! Hurry up, chubby, we don’t have all day!”

**Author's Note:**

> Happy End.


End file.
